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Aaaaaargh Shit...She came to collect her last bits and pieces. I’m completely over her now anyway. Bitch.
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For real....?We had a band meeting yesterday night. It was so good, there were custard creams and kitkats and all sorts of delightful little treats for us to eat while we discussed the band. Yesterday’s meeting was all about increasing our web presence and creating promotional tools to market the band. We decided it would be a good idea to get a video and professional photo’s done so we could send them to possible gigs and festivals. We had tried to do this last year and had a guy set up who said he could do photo’s and video’s. Unfortunately, when we turned up to his studio we realised he was more used to the…how can i put this? He was a porn producer. Our bassist wanted to give him a chance but we decided against it. If we want to do some team building exercises we can go paintballing! Its really important to get the right people to do your promo photo’s and video’s!
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Oh shit!You have to believe in your music and the way you perform, however if your playing gets you kicked out of venue, or worse, arrested then you have to rethink your strategy. We were on stage last night and the other vocalist in my band decided he would get someone up on stage to help sing our cover of Engelbert Humperdinck’s ‘Please Release Me’. The gig had been pretty dour, no one dancing, seemingly unwilling to let themselves get lost in our music. So, he decided it would be a good idea to get the most grumpy member of the audience to get on stage with us. There was a fairly old lady sitting in the front row who had not moved all night, she hadn’t even lifted her arm to pick up her drink, and she looked pretty miserable so he decided she was the perfect candidate. He stopped us playing looked straight at the woman and ushered her to come up and have a sing song with the band. She didn’t even acknowledge him. He asked her again to come up on stage but this time she just looked at him but didn’t respond. He looked at her straight in the eye and told her unless she got up and sang with the band we wouldn’t play another note. Still she didn’t move, so he jumped down of stage grabbed the woman chucked her over his shoulder and proceeded to carry her to the stage. Thats when I noticed a pool of yellow trailing behind them. I followed the trail back to her seat, which I then realised was not a seat but a WHEELCHAIR! He had decided to pick on a woman who is paralysed and had inadvertently dislodged her colostomy bag! The police were called and he spent the night in jail for assault. Good times(!)
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I have always had balls, ever since the day i was born, but I have never been so scared in my life as last night. We ended up travelling to a Church Hall in Knotty Ash, Liverpool (it does exist) to play at the Ken Dodd Appreciation Foundation annual ball. Our sound engineer, who is a big Ken Dodd fan and lifelong member of the K.D.A.F, decided it would be the perfect place for us to play. It was all going shit, until later on when the 400 INTOXICATED Ken Dodd fans, who were also dressed as Ken Dodd thought it would be a good idea to chase the band around with their feather dusters shouting “How tickled you are!” It was terrible. It was nothing short of wrong. Our sound engineer, ever the optimist, said he thought the gig went well. He couldn’t see the problem and he thought the crowd had a good time. I told him to shut it, while I picked feathers out of my…
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So,my band had a rehearsal yesterday. We’ve decided we need some new material. Unfortunately I had a big disagreement with the band about the lyrics in a particular part of a new song we were doing. The first line of the lyric goes “beautiful light, the day is here” The band thought that “shine on me, I have no fear” fitted perfectly. Alright, its ok you know? I don’t think its going to win an award or anything but its ok. Now my version goes something like this “beautiful light, the day is here, stupid bitch left with our manager” or even, “beautiful light, the day is here, have you seen my wife she’s bonking our manager” or my favourite “beautiful light, the day is here, I wonder if she faked it with me every time”. I don’t know but I think I’m on to something. Writing lyrics and music is difficult when you have so many creative souls in a band.Milli Vanili had it sussed.May be we were wrong about these guys. May be the reason they never sang their own songs was an ingenious ploy to stop the terrible infighting that happens in bands! Its taken 20 years but finally we have seen the Milli Vanillerly light! If none of us have sang the damn song no arguments over royalties! Give them a Grammy Lifetime Achievement award! God Bless you MV!
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shitty venue, shitty band shitty fight at the end!The notorious Brian Jonestown Massacre band having a brawl on stage! My band always takes a glass bottle with our lead guitarists name stuck on it ready to start throttling him when he starts getting attention happy and pushing to the front of the stage! A guitarist should know his damn place!
